Feel that? It’s your life slipping away. Yep. Every second of every minute that you spend reading this post, you’re slowly dying. Breath by breath, each heartbeat with each syllable, you creep closer to the end.

oooooooooh….

Pretty ominous, huh? So, why the dark perspective? Well, this is what got me writing tonight. It’s what motivated me to pick one more juicy word from my mental nostril just to see what it looked like.

In other words, I had writer’s block.

It kills me every Wednesday night. While I’ve known all week that I have a personal deadline set to post every Thursday morning; I wait until Wednesday night (or later) to actually start writing. I take notes, jot ideas, scribble and doodle all week, but when it comes to Wednesday, I open TextEdit and just sit.

CRAP…

Suddenly, tonight, a voice in my head said “What the hell are you doing? Just start writing, you moron!” So I did. I wrote, “You’re going to die anyway.” and POW, the words started rolling.

Many (many) moons ago, I wrote a post about having writer’s block. More to the point, I wrote about the keys to getting the writing wheels out of neutral and making a connection with my readers. For me, it starts with a title. It can be anything – like free association. Eventually the words and images start connecting in my brain and the solution reveals itself.

I wrote:

“… All I want is a headline – a short sentence that would communicate something about YOU or about something you want to discuss… Below are a few examples…

‘Without feathers, I’d never…’
‘But I can’t feed my kids on your wisdom’
‘Forget the President, I want to eat Jell-O’
‘The importance of Balsa wood and Miller Lite.’
‘It’s not Rocky Science’

And so on… and so on…”

Unfortunately, the response was less than stellar…  maybe because I’d only just begun blogging and Drew McLellan was the only one that ever read my posts?  Who knows? But he was gracious enough to leave me a comment. And I dropped the ball… (sorry Drew)

So let’s try it again.

Send ‘em in. Post your headline and your name / contact info in the comments section below. Once I have enough (5-7 or more…) I’ll hold a contest to see who’s headline will be the start to a future blog post – AND THEY’LL BE VOTED ON BY YOU!

Maybe we’ll make a connection and create something the whole world will love. Maybe we won’t and it will be another piece of gravel on the shoulder of the information super highway. If anything, it will be a way for me to get to know some of you.

Hell, we’re all going to die, eventually. We might as well have fun while we’re here. I look forward to reading your headlines…

Keep Cooking (free-wheeling, fun ideas…)
Andrew B. Clark
The Brand Chef

There it stands before you – a big eyesore. It’s weathered and showing it’s age. Your neighbors scowl and roll their eyes as they drive by. Time and the environment have dilapidated the exterior, showing flakes and deep veins of coarse texture. But the foundation and supports within are thick, stable and as strong as the day your grandfather built it.

As you look at it you see more than a dusty, old building. You see a lifetime of sweat equity. It’s not just a barn, it’s part of your life. From a simple point of view, it provided shade on hot, Summer days. But in perspective, it created a focal point for your entire existence. It sheltered livestock and equipment. It kept dry the seed and fertilizer for the upcoming planting seasons. It was a playground for you and your family. But through the memories, through the anxiety of change, you realize… it’s time.

So, with your hand on you son’s shoulder, just as your father did with you, you say, “Well, boy, it’s time to paint the barn.” He looks up at you not realizing this is HIS time.  Time to take the first step into his own destiny.

How do you think you, the farmer, would continue that conversation? Do you picture handing the boy a big bucket of red paint (’cause all barns are supposed to be red, you know) and yelling “HAVE AT KIDDO!” I’m sure the boy would have loved that! Ker-SPLASH! Or do you think “the farmer” would have knelt down beside the boy and explained the need for planning and preparation?

It’s a story that we hear almost on a daily basis (especially those of us in the Midwest). The passing of the torch. The changing of the guard. It’s called succession. Succession is the road map that the above farmer’s family has lived on for generations. While this story talks of a farmer and the “family business,” it applies perfectly to any business looking for success and longevity. It’s imperative when it comes to planning for business and development. It’s imperative to remember when branding.

It’s all about PLANNING for the future.

So, what happened with the boy and the farmer?

Of course, as the boy rolled his eyes, the farmer told him about preparing the surface of the walls for painting. He told him about removing aged paint and sanding the rough spots. He told him about pulling old nails and replacing boards that were too weathered.

He explained to the boy that protecting the barn was one of the most important jobs on the farm, for the barn provided the shelter and a starting point for virtually everything that took place around them. And he told him that his father taught him these things, just as his grandfather had done. And some day, the boy would pass the same advice and values on to his children.

When the farmer was done talking, they both stood there surveying the barn. It was huge. It was going to be a lot of work to paint this barn. It would take days, if not weeks for the two of them to get the barn back to it’s original glory. Intimidating. Tiring. Frightening.

Soon, the boy looked up at the farmer and said, “Dad, why don’t we just rip it down and sell the scrap to craft shops and mills at 170% more than your original purchase price? Then we can parcel off the land to out-of-state commercial developers for $3,500 an acre making you and mom millionaires! That way, I could go off and live on a beach with my gorgeous, yet vapid trophy wife…”

Sigh.

How does your company plan for the future? Are you looking for growth, sustainability and generations of pride and quality? Or are you looking for a quick buck and an escape to an “easier” life with little effort or accountability?

Food for thought.

Keep Cooking (for a future worthy of your children)
Andrew B. Clark
The Brand Chef

I don’t mean to fire another shot at the marketing community in the U.K., but…

What the heck are the marketers for the London 2012 Olympics committee smoking?

VIDEO:

Sorry about the auto play… (Notice the kids giving the Nazi salute to them? WTH?)

To have such a prestigious organization adorn your city would be an honor to last a lifetime. But it seems like the folks marketing for the occasion have taken the opportunity and turned it into a Duran Duran meets The TeleTubbies on LSD experience.

Let me back up about four years… If you haven’t read it yet, I did a blog post (June 2006) about the incredibly ill-conceived logo designed for the London 2012 Olympics. Saying:

“I’m saddened when I think of the world’s athletes that have put so much effort and time into achieving the honor of competing in the Olympics having to walk around the Olympic Village slathered with a logo that looks like they just got back from a Duran Duran concert.”

And now the marketers have launched a campaign to show off the new mascots. All I can say for them is at least they’re consistent.

Good Lord, They look like the love child of Timothy Leary and TinkyWinkie! I’m thinking the Aztecs saw this for 2012 and just decided to end it all there. What the heck would be the point of living after that?

Marketing in a Vacuum?

Normally, in these horribly off-the-mark situations, I’d point my finger at some self indulgent agency or myopic company trying to be “cutting edge” without the first hint of research or understanding of the target market. But according to The Telegraph UK, the chairman of the London Organizing Committee, Lord Coe and his marketing group spent 18 months and did over 40 focus groups in preparation and development of these atrocities!

40 FOCUS GROUPS?!?

What did they do, design them AND THEN hold focus groups until they found someone to say they liked them?

Here are a couple more images that come to mind when I see these mascots:

At least Vancouver 2010 Mascots related to the region and didn’t scare the hell out of people…

Also from The Telegraph UK:

Stephen Bayley, the prominent design critic, said: “What is it about these Games which seems to drive the organisers into this cretinous infantilism?

“Why can’t we have something that makes us sing with pride, instead of these appalling computerised Smurfs for the iPhone generation?”

“If the Games are going to be remembered by their art then we can declare them a calamitous failure already.”

I mean c’mon, if one of the biggest design critics in your country says they suck, shouldn’t you reflect on the direction you’ve taken?

So, what is the London 2012 Olympic committee to do? It’s too late to start over. It’s too ugly to ignore. Is this a public relations issue now? Can they make this all make sense somehow?

I’d love to know what you think. And for a little fun, here’s a little spoof from Gawker…

Keep Cooking! (at least tasteful branding decisions)
Andrew B. Clark
The Brand Chef

Assassins. Espionage artists. Spies. Mercenaries. Survivalists. Turtles? Whatever you call them, the Ninjas’ brand is simply cool as hell! They have an aura of overwhelming power, intelligence, stealth and magic that no other warring agent can touch.  Sure, the “Ninja” brand has been copied, stolen and spoofed, but it just can not be duplicated. Now THAT’S a strong brand…

So, when it comes to really stepping up and differentiating your product or service from your competition, why not pull some hints from the code of the Ninja into your branding?

Follow The Code Of The Branding Ninja:

A Branding Ninja must…

1. Never betray the clan.
Truth and honor are the core of the ninja brand. If your ninja brand can’t be trustworthy and loyal, then you have no foundation for the relationship (in business or life).

2. Accomplish the mission; failure is not an option.
Ninja branding is all about making the mission successful at virtually any cost. So what do you do when the challenges become overwhelming? Go into ninja-mode and kick some brand arse!

3. Put the clan and the mission before himself.
When working in a team environment, focus on the brand mission over your personal needs. Rogue ninjas are simply a detriment to themselves and the overall brand mission. It’s called teamwork, ninjas!

4. Escape if captured (no excuses).
Stealth. Speed. Nimble action. They’re all actions of the brand ninja. If you get stuck in you mission or captured by adversity, reject, re-focus, re-purpose and re-launch! A ninja held prisoner is soon a dead ninja!

5. Kill only when necessary for survival.
If threatened by conflict, competition or failure the ninja will always strive to redirect the end to his favor through any means necessary. And only as a last resort, he go for the death blow.

6. Avoid striking a member of the same ry (school).
This discipline should go without saying, but it goes back to working within a team. A team of brand ninjas all tirelessly work toward the same mission. To have infighting and dissension amongst its ranks would doom the brand mission.

7. Strive for peace, harmony and enlightenment in all things.
Once you have a TRUE brand mission on hand, the direction to take should be one of serene discovery. If your brand mission is on path, resistance will be futile.

8. Aid a genin (fellow ninja) from the same ry.
If one ninja should stumble or fall, the genin to his sides will pick him up and correct the course. Mentoring and unfaltering support within the branding ninja ranks is imperative for mission success.

9. Never use the terms “ninja”, “shinobi”, or “assassin” when speaking in public.
The branding ninja shouldn’t need to overtly reveal his brand mission objective or tactics. The mission will speak for itself and the actions of the individual will be irrelevant to its success.

10. Always observe others and know your surroundings.
This is the external version of #9. If you observe with sharp diligence and objectivity, the scope of your branding territory (target market, niche mission, competitors’ flaws, etc.) will be revealed.

10.5 Understand you are always being observed. Always.
Just as you are watching others, they are watching you. Always protect your brand, your mission and be prepared to react with lightening speed and power!

The above list was taken from the Ninja Code of Honor during Japan’s Sengoku period, when, according to reports, the ninja discipline was born and developed between the 15th and 17th centuries.

Of course, I edited and kept the disciplines that spoke directly to branding and teamwork, but can you see the correlation?

SO… Which of the above codes can you work on to keep your brand TRUE? Is your brand ninja-like or do you need to go back and do a little TRUE ninja branding boot camp?

Keep Cooking! (with stealth, power and mystery in your brand)
Andrew B. Clark
The Brand Chef

What’s that behind you!

Today is a landmark date for The Brand Chef, a true anniversary to be recognized.  Can you guess what it is?

No, it’s not my marriage to the beautiful Mrs. BrandChef.  It’s not the anniversary of being hired at Love Scott. Nope.  Not even the anniversary of my first kiss.  Nope.

But it’s almost as exciting…

Today is the 15^th anniversary of my induction into the elite club of mobile device users. YES!  On this day in 1995, I was given a “Work cell phone” as “a perk” while working as creative director at a local advertising agency.

While I knew it was really so my boss could call me, guilt-free at 2 a.m., I didn’t care.  I HAD A FREAKIN’ CELL PHONE! I was on cloud nine.  I could drive down the “hustle-bustle” of I-235 while drinking my Jolt Cola and talk to clients, vendors, my wife, my mom and my boss… all on my bitchen-cool cell phone.

Momentous? Heck yeah!  It was my personal introduction to the most revolutionary change in communication since grunts and cave paintings.

Well, okay, maybe there were a few other more significant milestones, but this was MY revolution…

Think of it… (and this is just a snapshot!)

• 45,000 to 10,000 BC: Grunts and cave paintings
• 1450: Guttenberg uses block printing press to print a love poem
• 1841: The advertising agency is born (Then all hell breaks lose!)
• 1860: Pony Express carries mail between St. Joseph, Mo. and Sacramento
• 1865: Atlantic cable ties Europe and U.S. for instant communication
• 1877: Edison invents the phonograph
• 1887: Montgomery Ward mails out a 540-page catalog
• 1914: First transcontinental telephone call
• 1926: Permanent radio network, NBC, is formed
• 1939: New York Worlds Fair shows television to public
• 1940: Disney’s Fantasia introduces stereo sound to American public (Tom Brokaw is born)
• 1949: Magnetic core computer memory is invented
• 1959: The microchip is invented
• 1968: FCC approves non-Bell equipment attached to phone system (I was born)
• 1971: Wang 1200 is the first word processor (just fun to say)
• 1975: The microcomputer, in kit form, reaches the U.S. home market
• 1976: Apple introduces the Apple I to the Homebrew Computer Club
• 1981: The IBM PC (meh)
• 1984: The one-megabyte memory chip
• 1991: Baby Bells get government permission to offer information services
• 1994: Prodigy bulletin board fields 12,000 messages in one after L.A. quake
• 1995: Andrew B. Clark (The Brand Chef) gets his first Nokia 6100 cell phone -AND life changes forever!

Simplistic?  Dreamy?  Sure… but technology is evolving faster every day, and I’ve been trying to keep up since THAT day.

The vision of the future is in the palm of your hand – figuratively and literally.  If you take into consideration that my first cell phone (sporting capabilities like incoming & outgoing calls as well as all the dropped signals I could manage) was less than 15 years ago, and today I can create this entire post (excluding graphics) on a BlackBerry mobile device that hangs right beneath my love handles; think of what the next 15 years will hold!

What was the first technology experience that you consider to be “Life altering?” Was it a cell phone?  Was it an electric typewriter? Or was it the recent iPad?

What ever it was, I bet Twitter still crashes on it…

How does your technology future look?

Keep Cooking (with the latest and greatest)!
Andrew B. Clark
The Brand Chef